Hilarious Recap of “A Woman Scorned” by Phoebe Robinson for Glamour
I don’t know about you, #Gladiators, but I am straight-up putting together my last will and testament because based on how I reacted during last night’s episode, it’s pretty evident that immediately following Scandal's finale on May 16, my heart will be a lifeless mess. Shonda & Co. made some things happen this episode that cannot be ctrl + Z'd. Things that are giving me palpitations, so I would like to know that before I do my Shirley Temple soft-shoe shuffle into heaven, my unused cans of Febreeze and Sex and the City DVDs are left in good hands with my mom. Anyway, while I try and figure out something suitable to leave my dad, let’s break down what happened on last night’s episode entitled “A Woman Scorned.”
We open with Olivia swimming in a pool with a swimming cap on, to which I say, “Good for you, girl,” because I’m tired of seeing all these black women in music videos splash around in water without covering their hair like they don’t know that the SECOND they get out of the water, they will look like Frederick Douglass on a Black History Month stamp. Anyway, the swim is to distract herself from all the Fitz drama. When she comes up for air, she sees Jake there. She ducks back in the water.
Back at her apartment, Olivia answers the knock at her door, and it’s Jake again. He explains that he’s protecting her per orders from the president. She calls Fitz and tells him to get Jake off her back. He counters by telling her that Mellie moved out. Olivia ignores this information because it’s clearly not the time for Fitz to try and talk about the future of their relationship—her anger toward him is similar to how upset I get when I use the bathroom at a bar and it doesn’t have toilet paper. Letting your vajayjay air dry like Downy-scented clothes on a clothing line during a summer breeze is not as lovely as it sounds when there’s a row of drunk women pounding on the bathroom door. Trust. Moving on. Unless Liv wants Fitz to get a warrant to place her in jail for her safety, her only option is let Jake guard her. She does, reluctantly.
James visits Cy, who is as swamped at work as a Jamaican trying to make a week’s worth of incense in 24 hours, and tells him that he got offered an on-air job at BNC.